Summer’s End August 30, 2010

So much has been speeding by the last few weeks. Summer school, work, some fun, lots of balance. I feel a bit of the old anxiety unravelling, but then it comes back at surprising times and bites me in the ass, irrationally, without explanation. I’m about to venture out for two weeks, two whole weeks. Away from home, work, the things I have held on to too tightly and for no good reason.
Some people I know and are a part of my life, have this tremendous joyousness about life. Always celebrating out loud, recognizing their gifts and rejoicing in their lives. I crave the understanding of how they achieve this on a daily basis. Is it just through putting it out there, stating a basic intention and then believing it until its real. Is it something like I do on the floor, click on the smile before I even step out there and sell it, sell how good it is? This life, this food, this path? I think in some ways it is. That moment of doubt is the fissure that bears the most damage, wears against the strain of all that could go wrong, if you let it.
In the moments to come I will do my best to rise every day, fill myself with clear bright thoughts and stay open for a newness I have been blind to in all of my daily machinations. I almost forgot its out there…