Babygirl November 6, 2011

I miss you. It goes without saying, more than 7 months have passed, and so many emails and silences and whatnots. I wish I could see you face to face, especially after the anniversary of my mother’s passing. You were such a relief then, and such a heartbreak. I thought I was over you when all of that came to pass, and then in the wake of honest, real pillow talk, you told me, without asking what I wanted, that you would never be that, what I wanted. And so, from that point forward I let you go. In my mothers bed, with everything weighted on my shoulders precariously, I let that one, most important thing, slide right off. It was too much, and delivered at the worst possible time, and so I let you go without asking you what it meant. It saddens me now to think you still held me in your heart, not having a permanent space. I know that feeling well; where to put, how to deal, how to heal. It is too soon, but to see you face to face now, with all that has past might be some sort of healing, I would hope. I think of your small hands often, and how for that brief time, how well they fit in mine.